On a hair straightener
John: What is this?! A portable panini machine?!
On a history book in B&N
Sydney: Oh look, The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln… by John Wilkes Booth
On the adverse effects of Glee on straight men
Michelle: All I want to do is eat crappy chinese takeout and watch glee Me: Do you not get fox no more? Michelle: I don’t have a TV Me: Oh… right Michelle: But Seth [boyfriend] is catching up on the DVD’s Me: Holy homo Michelle: More like holy if I don’t watch I won’t get sex ever.
My roommate: The Racist
So. I’m moving the FUCK out of Queens because a) I hate it here b) I have no friends here c) I’m pretty much living half in my car, half on Kate’s couch at Purchase and sporatically spending nights on Long Island, and it blows. Big time. So I told my roommate that I needed to move out because I’m moving in with my Grandmother who’s hurt (half true, grandma’s...
On life after college
Parker, a 9 year old I teach: My babysitter just graduated college. Me: I just graduated college too! Parker: Oh yeah? Then who’s going to marry you?
Give a man a fire and he’s warm for a day. But set him on fire and...